Muffinpants

Full Stop

Venus Muffinpants — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:53:58 +0000

I hate my period period

Purity Test

Venus Muffinpants — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:36:02 +0000

I took the Purescore Test and that was my score!

What about you guys?

A Very Personal Personal Ad

Venus Muffinpants — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:36:48 +0000

The most ridiculous thing ever happened to me on my way to work. I was waiting for my bus at the bus stop when an older guy came to me with a piece of paper. I was listening to my Ipod so I don´t really know if he actually said anything, but I somehow doubt it. I took the note naturally expecting it to be an address that he needed directions to.

To my surprise it actually said:

“LOOKING FOR WOMEN FOR REGULAR VISITS. ARE YOU INTERESTED?”

and a phone number below.

I was quite shocked I must say, as much as I am amused now. Whatever happened to “normal” pick up lines? Or… wouldn´t a newspaper ad be more efficient? I shook my head and gave him back the note which he folded and put back into his pocket. And yes, the paper looked as if it had been unfolded a few times. And no, I was not interested. I wonder if he ever succeded.

Happy Birthday To Me

Venus Muffinpants — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:55:10 +0000

I am 27 now. Sigh.

Swingers

Venus Muffinpants — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 11:11:48 +0000

I was talking to some friends at uni the other day and some girl joined us. We were talking about working as an interpreter at trade fairs, how tiring it is and how annoying it can be, specially the old ugly men who think they can get off with you because you are smiling all day. ITS PART OF THE JOB TO BE FRIENDLY, IDIOT!!

Anyway… that girl then told us the most embarrassing thing she has ever experienced on a job.

Apparently a group of business men asked her if she could tell them where to find a swing club. She said she would try to find out and came back with a list of JAZZ BARS!!

She told us in a super quiet, shy voice: “I thought they wanted music. I didn’t even know what swinging means…”

hahaha, funny story but poor thing. And what a cheeky thing to ask the interpreter for a sex club!!!

My Facebook

Venus Muffinpants — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:40:17 +0000

If you, dear reader, would like to become friends with me, go to my Facebook profile!!

Sweets and cocks

Venus Muffinpants — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 10:07:06 +0000

If you know me, you will know that I LOVE sweets. Yes, and cocks. Seriously, I need sweets every day (yes, and cocks). And you would also know that Oona and I love a band called Interpol and they have a brilliant song called The Lighthouse. So if you take sweets + cocks + Interpol you get THIS:

(Thanks to Accordion Guy)

I would appreciate if one of you dear readers could send me a pack of those!! Cheers!

Pornstar sex

Oona — Tue, 13 May 2008 15:29:53 +0000

What kind of sex do married pornstars have at home? Just “regular” like the rest of us? Does she sound like a whore? Does he tell her to ‘suck it like the whore you are‘? Does she complain her cunt hurts? Do they ever get bored with bringin work home? So many unanswered questions! And there would be even more had I ever watched porn.

When Is Sex Sex?

Venus Muffinpants — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:33:17 +0000

So if girl is fooling around with her bloke, and she is touching herself and banging her clit while she sucks his cock in a “fuck my mouth” manner and then both cum…. Is that sex?? I mean is that fucking??

Definitely.

The Waxing Dilemma Again

Venus Muffinpants — Sun, 04 May 2008 17:41:25 +0000

I am quite good at my bikini wax (been doing it myself for 4 yrs), although I only just found out that waxing myself while lying seems less painful than standing in the bathroom. Anyway… I didnt quite like the results from waxing my legs, but maybe its cause it was dark when I did it. Now my face I usually get done by a professional. I mean, I dont want to fuck up my eyebrows and look like a freak for weeks. And that OTHER facial hair I usually get done at the same time so I mostly dont have to bother myself.

Unfortunately I forgot to make an appointment last week so when I looked in the mirror earlier today before going out I thought, fuck my moustache is huge.

So I got the cold wax strips out and thought I could minimize the whole thing and save myself another week from going to the cosmetics.

Only did I forget that my skin would get ultra red and so I had to walk round town looking like I had some sort of mouth/lips disease…. Yes, people did look kinda amazed. :-S

BUT before that as I was still looking in the mirror I thought (too much thinking) that I could try and give the wax a try on my eyebrows.

Not very clever thing to do when you are IN A HURRY to meet someone.

But ok, I placed it so it could do no harm to my face, just a few hairs, I could have plucked them with the twizzers……..

One two three… and I pulled…. HALF MY EYELASHES!